Tuesday, June 3, 2014


Photographer Andrew More once told me that that there are so many opportunities in New York City that it can distract from what you actually want to do.

Recently I have felt distracted by comfort. I love my new job and I am finally somewhat sustaining myself in this city. This has made me get lazy in a few respects. For one, I don't need to scramble to try and find work to pay the bills. I am comfortable and happy with my one job. Two, I realize that I won't realistically be able to pay the bills solely as an artist. Finally, and personally, sitting at my computer and watching Tv or playing video games is much easier that trying to put a project together.

Some say that struggle and suffering inspires good art. I can for sure say that with little suffering, being comfortable and happy, has certainly caused me to not make art.

So what I am going to do now is focus. Make myself hungry again. I feel worthless when I am not creating, so I am forcing myself to create to find meaning in my life. 

As you know from my blog post in April, I am working on a comic. This is still moving forward, but is mostly in the hands of the artist now. So I am going to start my next project. My first professional attempt at a short film.

My brother Zach came to me with the idea of making a short film based off of a short story he read called Psychosis that he found on a website called Creepypasta which hosts scary paranormal stories and short horror microfiction. He reached out to the author and got the go ahead to develop a script, which he wrote and sent to me. I looked it over and really liked it. It was simple, didn't require a lot of resources, and was the kind of story I enjoy telling. 

I reached out to my friend Vern Wilson, who recently graduated and wants to move to LA to pursue film acting, and asked him if he would play the lead role to which he accepted. Since the movie only requires one visible actor and three non-visible actors, who are only seen or heard off camera, it felt like the movie was 80% casted! After I secured the actor to play the lead role, I started to feel really good about the project. 

So here I sit at my computer, reflecting, and realizing that these past few months I have been distracting myself with things that make me comfortable, like video games, binge watching TV shows, and other hobbies. These things distract me and make me feel happy enough in the moment, but depressed in the long run. The real reason I surround myself with these things goes deeper I think.

Ultimately I am afraid to fail. Filmmaking has been something I have wanted to do since I was twelve and picked up a Sony Handycam camcorder and started making movie with my brothers. It has been my dream for so long I am afraid to try and and fail or worse, be rejected. My mind has been telling me that if I fail at this, like I do with many other things in my life, that my purpose and meaning will be empty. 

It seems that life for me is a sequence of weeding and growing. For every bit I grow, weeds spring up around me. So I have to take time to cut these weeds out of my life so I can grow more. I think I am finally ready to take filmmaking seriously. I have camera, I have the desire, everything else I will find along the way. Wish me luck. Until Next Time.

“People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.”  


  1. thanks for the update.

    II was blissfully ignorant of Creepypasta 2 days ago, and now yours is the 2nd reference in as many day. I'm not liking the horrendous story out of WI.


  2. Sad... People who act out aggression like this need help, and unfortunately people only look to point fingers.... Like the founders say in the article: "There is a line of between fiction and reality, and it is up to you to realize where the line is. We are a literature site, not a crazy satanic cult."